Begin Your Wellness Path

These questions don't require immediate answers. As a matter of fact, the longer you can stay in the question without rushing to a conclusion about what the "right" answers might be, the better.

Who do you need to be or what do you need to know, perceive, or receive to allow yourself to unapologetically let your light shine? What might you need to start doing? What might you need to stop doing?

What if the "wrongness" of you is actually the "strongness" of you?

Truth:  Does constantly judging your body, bank account, relationships, or social status   distract you from owning and using your power?

What if your body is way wiser than you give it credit for? (Spoiler alert: It IS!) What if you could ask your body to show you how to create your life in a way that allows you to thrive? (You CAN and it WILL.)

Whatever vow I made to play small and stay safe,
I rescind
so that I can live large and grow freely.

Whatever vow I made to remain invisible,
I take back
so I can show up,
be seen,
and take my rightful place in the world.

Whatever vow I made to remain silent,
I vehemently reject
so I can speak my truth
and use my words and my voice
to stand up for myself and those who have no voice.

Whatever vow I made to relinquish my power and play the victim,
I retract
so that I can use that power to transform lives.

Whatever vow of poverty I made along the holy path to spirit and service,
I revoke
to become the bounty hunter who recovers my own unlimited wealth.

Whatever vows I made to be broken or damaged,
I shatter into a million jagged pieces
and claim my right to be whole and perfect in my imperfections.

Whatever vows I made to be less than,
I declare null and void
as I am equal to any task,
any situation,
any person I face.

I break these vows with all the righteous indignation and fury I can summon.
I burn these vows in the blazing heat of my heart break.

In my death to what no longer serves,
I resurrect my sacred rage as a call to action
against all that is inconceivable, intolerable, or unjust.

I allow the anger I have swallowed for lifetimes
to flow through me,
and finally be felt,
expressed,
honored,
and engulfed by the flame
that ultimately purifies, releases,
and sets me free.

Here’s what the encaged,
enraged anger,
silenced for centuries,
has to say:

I am not just angry.
I am furious.
I am a raging, fire-breathing warrior goddess
and I am coming for you.

I am coming for you
the minute you cross the line,
the minute you take what’s mine,
the minute you violate my body,
the minute you underestimate me
or assume you know what’s best for me
or patronize me or manipulate me or attempt to silence me,
the minute you undervalue me or take advantage of me
or refuse to pay me what I am worth,
the minute you pull your little man shenanigans
or justify your good-old-boy, narcissistic, misogynistic behaviors
or start with your unsolicited attacks,
crazy-making chaos,
or I’m-the-boss-of-you bullshit,

I will come for you.

Because I have had enough.
I will have the last word.
I will get my way.
I will see that justice is done.
I will protect and defend what’s mine.
I will destroy you if that’s what it takes.

I have had a lifetime of fury
that I have medicated,
contemplated,
rationalized,
and compromised away
and I refuse
REFUSE
to deny it any longer.

I refuse to deny my anger
and allow you to take what you want from me.

I refuse to accommodate your wants and needs without any regard
for what it’s costing me and costing the world.

I refuse to be ashamed of this outrage,
this burning anger
this hot, molten indignation
erupting
and wiping out entire villages
of those who assumed
I didn’t mind,
It didn’t matter,
and they were justified in
raping and pillaging.

Those who saw me as powerless,
Penny-less,
invisible,
silent,
or deserving of the destruction.

Little did they know
they picked the wrong
royalty to cross.

Because now there is no compassion.
There is no mercy.
There is no channeling of my higher self.

That part of me is gone,
she has left the building in a murderous rage,
unleashing her wounds into the wild.

She has summoned her shadow
and She-Who-Will-Not-Be-Fucked-With
is now at the helm.

My advice to you?
Run.
Run while you still can.

If her rage touches you
you will spontaneously combust
from the intensity.

This kamikaze fighter pilot
will go down in flames
before she allows you to ever again
dishonor, disrespect, or do damage 

to her and all that she holds sacred.

No one protected the princess,
so she abdicated the throne.
And now the nice, quiet, good girl has come back
as the Queen of Badassery
to torch the list of vows taken
to ensure her survival
and replace them with this promise:

I Will Own My Throne.
The cycle of suffering stops with me.

I did not come here to be abused or abased of my power.
The only way to defend and protect my lineage
is to let this inferno of anger consume me,
envelope me,
and burn the old vows to the ground
so the new vows
can rise like the phoenix
from the ashes.

I came here to create, to love, to learn, to express, 

to align with the Divine,
to challenge, to rise, to fall, and ultimately, to forgive.

I came here to manifest the miraculous
and be a powerhouse of passion, purpose, and possibilities.

These are the new vows.
This is the legacy that starts with me.

After a lifetime of waiting for a Messiah
to deliver me from this anger,
I now know I am the one I’ve been waiting for.
I am the answer to my own prayers.

And when the anger subsides,
all that will remain
is a fierce commitment
to this new legacy of love.

I am the heir apparent to the Queendom.
It’s time for me to step into my rightful place
and Own My Throne.

God Save the Queen.

Copyright 2017 - Penny Plautz 

“Speak now or forever hold your peace.”

These are the words that –
like an alarm –
woke me from a deep sleep
at 3am.

Who makes this kind of ultimatum?

Especially when that “peace” is violence perpetrated against us?

Especially when that “peace” results in residual and pervasive shame?

Especially when that “peace” means abdicating our throne
so someone else can claim power?

The truth is…
when told to,
“Speak now or forever hold our peace,”
many of us remain silent.

Even though every fiber of our being may be screaming out
to be heard, witnessed, acknowledged,
our bodies remember the betrayal
of “speaking now.”

From being burned at the stake,
drowned in a lake,
stoned to death,
or forced into hiding…
If it isn’t safe to speak,
we “forever hold our peace.”

But forever is a long time
to bear the burden
of silence.

If it takes a lifetime
to speak your truth,
so be it.

There is no time limit
to the truth.

And if it appears as if
no one is listening,
no one believes you,
it doesn’t change a thing,
and life as you know it is over …

Rest assured,
your actions have set 

cosmic consequences in motion.

Because when one woman speaks her truth –
publicly, calmly, confidently –
and is mocked by people of power and privilege,
it send shockwaves
of rage and outrage
that transmutes into courage
and rallies the rest of us
to stand fully in our power
and do the same.

Copyright 2018 - Penny Plautz

Here's what I like about you. 

(It's a long list, so settle in.) 

You can do impossible things. 

You prove that every day. 

You've suffered setbacks in your career and relationships 

and learned how to course correct and declare a do-over. 

You've experienced unimaginable losses and a devastating amount of shame. 

You've lost a parent, a child, a sibling, a spouse, a friend, a pet, or they've lost their way, 

and somehow you've found the faith to love and offer support again. 

You have taken risks that nearly broke you and still struggle with forgiving yourself 

for not knowing better. 

You've been misunderstood or misrepresented and yet you remain open 

to what's possible even when it requires you to risk it all again. 

You do the necessary hard work. 

You go in early, stay late, and shovel snow even when 

you know no one else will attempt to venture out. 

You've bought more self-improvement courses than you'll ever complete, 

but you don't let this stop you from seizing new opportunities 

to invest in yourself and build a better world. 

You believe your body has betrayed you because 

you experienced a threat to your health that brought you 

face to face with your own mortality and invincibility. 

You're convinced you're getting older in spite of your ageless attitude, 

boundless energy, sassy style, and sensational shoe collection. 

You started working overtime instead of working out. 

You occasionally overindulge. 

You sometimes binge watch entire seasons of your favorite shows all in one weekend 

when you could be clearing out the clutter, attending an exercise class, 

or preparing healthy meals for the upcoming week. 

But you believe Mondays are like New Year's Day, 

so you begin again and befriend your body 

which opens your heart to receive love from youself 

instead of insisting it come from another.

You worry about the world going to hell in a hand basket 

and secretly suspect it's weapons of mass distraction 

that will ultimately lead to our undoing. 

You fear that folks have forgotten how to talk to each other, 

think for themselves, follow their guidance, or stand up for what they believe in. 

So you make sure to vote even though 

you know your neighbor or significant other

will vote differently.

You smile at strangers even though 

they may interpret this small act of kindness as stalking, 

and you speak your truth even if your voice shakes. 

You are brave when bravery is required. 

You are resilient even when you are bone tired. 

You weave a spell with words that soothe the soul. 

And you sing despite your reputation for making up your own lyrics. 

You are more than the sum of your parts. 

You are always evolving. 

You are still learning. 

And so you remain a mystery - even to yourself. 

You see life differently. 

You are wildly creative which makes you outrageously courageous. 

You hug trees, flirt with babies, let your dog occupy the choicest spot on your bed, 

let your cat commandeer your computer (to allegedly manage her Instagram account), 

and let baby goats jump on you during yoga. 

You orchestrate the elements, bend time, and defy gravity. 

You feel deeply so you hurt easily. 

You know intuitively so you act instinctively. 

You keep these gifts hidden so you can blend in and 

not out yourself as the force of nature that you are. 

Your curiosity keeps you questioning the status quo. 

Your attraction to the extraordinary summons you to sacred sites. 

Your generosity makes you magnetic. 

Your vulnerability makes you irresistible. 

Your dancing makes you legendary. 

Your sense of humor makes you the life of the party... 

should you ever stray from the sanctuary of your studio, library, garden, or kitchen. 

You bloom where you are planted. 

You are a sensual creature who insists on honesty and fabulousness 

wherever you can find it. 

You are a meaning maker with an appetite for adventure. 

You are a citizen of the world, a renegade, a revolutionary, 

a rebel with a most compelling cause. 

You are a visionary, a shapeshifter, a truth teller, a way shower, and a light worker. 

You are grounded in this world but not exactly of it. 

You are a Spark of the Divine. 

Made up of stardust and moonbeams, you are. 

You continue to surprise and delight. 

Because of all this and so much more, 

I adore you.

May you never doubt your contribution.

Copyright 2019 - Penny Plautz

May your life be spectacular.
May the things you’ve worked hard for 

to come to fruition and may you spend your time 

doing what makes you feel most alive.
 

May you to be vulnerable enough 

to be your quirky self,
to inspire us with your authenticity 

and wow us with your weirdness.

May you trust your heart and your gut,
and go against the prevailing wisdom
that would have you hold on or hold back
and keep your dreams to yourself instead of
releasing them into the wild.

May you take a break from being busy,
from rushing around trying to outdo yourself
and make time to sit in silence so you can hear
your soul speak.
 

May you know it’s all coming together
in ways you’d never expected or could have imagined

and that the hardest thing you have to do is trust
The Universe is Always Conspiring on Your Behalf.

May you see that what you perceive as
failure is simply feedback,
that “no” sometimes means “not now” or that
the opportunity you convinced yourself was meant for you
was actually way too small for you.

May you know that can’t do your life wrong.
What looks like a cluster to others is actually
the quickest, most direct path
you have chosen to learn life lessons.  

May you to realize that the doubts never go away
but you do get braver,
courage begets courage,
and one leap leads to another.

May you understand that you are enough,
you are not defined by your degree, your job, 

or your relationships

and your worth cannot be measured by your weight, 

your wallet, or your wardrobe.

Acceptance is an inside job.

My hope is that you
resolve to evolve,
that you eventually outgrow
the britches you believe are too big to fill now.

May you tell a newer story,
a truer story that allows you and
a few of your friends who look fabulous in tights
to be superheroes who save the world with your
collective wit, wonder, and way with words.

And finally, may you know you matter,
you are at the right place at the right time and
you make a difference in someone’s life every day.

You and I did not randomly cross paths.
We were called to connect and summoned to serve
our clients, our community, and each other.

Trust me when I tell you 

this is an extraordinary adventure,

made all the more magnificent
because you are in the world.

Copyright 2019 – Penny Plautz

Most of my training 

encourages me to 

light up the night sky 

in a spectacular burst of brilliance 

like a firework 

that leaves onlookers 

oohhhing and aaahhhhing…

But I wonder if the real magic 

isn’t learning to shine my light

like a firefly in an unsuspecting field of wildflowers, 

where no one in particular is watching, 

but anyone who recognizes this light 

blinks their own in response 

and together we light up the world.

Copyright 2019 - Penny Plautz

My open heart breaks
as I board the plane home from Boston.

I can barely breathe,
although breathing is the only thing that can save me.

Each breath reminds me
that baring the exquisite pain of leaving this sacred circle
is possible only
by leaning into the intensity and vulnerability
and allowing my old identity to be sacrificed
on the alter of evolution.

The transformation has left me
as defenseless as the butterfly
emerging from the cocoon,
her wings heavy and wet,
dripping with the promise that soon
this new world order,
this unlikely re-imagination and integration of self
will allow me to fly.

Copyright 2018 - Penny Plautz

I’m still here.

A flight risk with no exit plan
except the one
that had me leaving
years ago.

This was the day
I was supposed to walk away
from the life and the job I created
over the last decade.

The directive was clear.

If we build it…
they will come
and I will go.

Except I’m still here.

Year after year
I’m still here.

Who would have guessed?

Surely no one who knew me
from my gypsy days.

No one could have predicted
the return to the homeland
so far from the mountains that moved me
or the sunlight that saved me
or the solitude that allowed me to hear my soul’s stirring.

No one would have guessed
I would have traded the freedom that defined me
for the structure that now sustains me.

My day job has made many things possible
that my day dream could not…
continuing education,
international travel,
healthcare,
an influx of working capital for my own business,
and global connections.

For that I am eternally grateful.

I thought one year of playing full out
would be enough
to build a brand,
conjure up the courage,
and manifest the momentum
required to leap into the great unknown.

Perhaps I was a bit optimistic in my projections.

For a free spirit
who constantly hears
the call of the wild,
the call to stay
challenges me to my core.

I know adventure awaits.

And yet,
I’m still here.

I have not abandoned ship.
I have not abandoned my relationships.
I have not abandoned myself, my business, or my dreams.

Hold steady,
hold the vision,
hold my ground.

The next spiritual frontier appears to be
Holding On and Letting Go 
at the same time.

So I’m still here…
learning,
practicing.

A flight risk with no exit plan
except the one
that will emerge
when it’s time to fly.

Copyright 2019 - Penny Plautz

Although I’m awake,
the dream hangs on,
the emotions linger,
even as the characters and circumstances
fade away.

I close my eyes again,
hoping to fall back into the world I left behind,
but my awakening has rearranged this ethereal reality
and all that remains
are remnants that refuse to be
Humpty-Dumptied back to together again.

They are all snippets of a day or a week of odd awarenesses…
moments that seemed inconsequential
but registered in my unconscious
as fodder for further exploration
by my dreaming mind.

My dream world has always been as active and available
as my waking consciousness,
often leaving me with the unsettling assumption
that to declare one “the dream world”
and the other “reality”
could be a gross miscalculation.

Why then do I play by such stringent rules
in the reality I’m so certain I control?

Why do I not remind myself that if
 life is but a dream
I can re-imagine it
on my own terms?

“To sleep, perchance to dream…”
or “to awaken, perchance to live the dream…”
perhaps that’s the real question.

©2018 Penny Plautz